There is a Flow that lives naturally within each of us; when you find yours, you’ll know better the path forward into a life Free from Fear – be it the kind one experiences under physical attack, or mental or spiritual.
There was a time only a few years ago that I went out into the world on my own. Of course, we live our lives this way, going out in the world each day, all of us on our own – what I mean is… I wanted to be in nature, off the map, solitary. I wanted to be on my own and yet, there were times when I would lay my head down in the darkness of the night and my fears would begin to replay, back and forth, across my mind to the point that I would forget Who I Was – I began to get lost in my vulnerability, mistaking it for weakness – a young woman alone in the darkness – a fragile creature to be attacked during sleep; forgetting that I was exactly where I wanted to be, happy, healthy and strong; held in my place by all of the universe, exactly where I was meant to be, entirely secure.
There are many layers which contribute to that insecurity, built over entire lifetimes of human history as it has been for many thousands of years, for all of us; and we are all connected, so yours is mine and mine is yours. This is why I felt this way at the time, despite the Self Defense Instructor training I had just received across two different, back-to-back, 3-day courses.
But I craved healing and freedom from this and so soon enough, my path brought me to one of the strongest women I’ve had the blessing to learn from. Her work can be seen in the landscape of higher education throughout San Diego County. It is her passion to teach healing through the wide lens of training you give your body, the nutrition you provide it and the flow you give it through martial arts and preparation. She fills entire gyms of students who work really hard during her lessons of kickboxing, taekwondo, hapkido, aikijujutsu, eskrima, boxing, and self-defense strategy and technique. With true passion and grace she invited me to train with her in every single one of them, 2 to 4 sessions per day, 6 days a week for many months. I learned technique but more crucially, I came to better know the Way of Oneness with mind, body and spirit, of place and time – the rhythm of defense as in life – is a flow. It was a great revelation to become aware that as much as I thought I was someone who ‘goes with the flow’, I wasn’t; not even close, rather I was quite awkward and stifled.
I’ve since been on a continuous grand lesson of return to a synchronicity with life’s flow, of which I’m sure I will always be small and childlike. Even so, I have gained a much better understanding of my own Flow; I know, because I’ve since gone out into the world alone, filled this time with a sense of confidence, the freedom of it, to live and be without fear. The freedom of knowing, within, of being whole, ready.
While my sensei Heidi has the benefit of entire semesters and series of semesters with her students, I have short moments in time with those whom I serve.
Additionally, outside of the credit-driven motivation structure inherent in teaching college students, some of the layers built into the fabric of our lives allude to something convoluted and taboo about women learning self-defense. Without unfurling a tome of study identifying all the layers of complexity, (the origins of them and perpetuation of them), I will simply say, the many threads holding these barriers in place are much like those that maintain the fight of our times… the aggressive, diverse and competing forces of climate change – the causality of which and solution of which cannot be simplified into something singular like converting from fossil fuel to solar, or even revolutionizing our democracy – it truly cannot be anything short of transformation within the very core of our Being, of Humanity; a rebirth of living what we value, our own re-awakening to Who We Are. It is all connected, all related. We crave the freedom of living our true selves, fearless, love-driven and a contributing member of Mother Earth’s great family.
We Crave Freedom From Fear
We crave the freedom of living our true selves… fearless, love-driven, powerful catalysts of health and balance, of wisdom, courage and compassion.
I’ve found that even more powerful than the motivation for college credits, we are tired of living in fear. We no longer accept the fear-driven culture that we’ve been raised in to penetrate our spirits. For example:
I know of mothers who fear that if their baby is taken from them, their own life will be over. That’s not freedom, that’s not life. It’s not even True to motherhood, a vehicle for the expression of perfect Love – imperfect within the suffocating grip and subtle bounds/habits of fear. Motherhood, nor even the loss of a child, is in and of itself the fulfillment, or loss, of one’s own purpose… again, it is one of the many vehicles by which we travel the Road of Love (interchangeable with ‘Purpose’) toward the destination of Love, Purpose.
Through much synthesis of Master Heidi’s nuggets, I’ve uncovered an ability to evoke the Flow that lives naturally within each of us; when you find yours, you’ll know better the path forward into a life Free from Fear – be it the kind one experiences under physical attack, or mental or spiritual.
Find your Fearless, Live your Flow.