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Lindsey Lou On The Move: Standing Rock and Beyond

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mourning

April 4, 2020 By Lindsey Tarr Leave a Comment

From Anxiety Attack Nights to a Healthy, Happy and Free Life

In the middle of 2016, I was doing what I was supposed to. I had graduated from College, I had volunteered for two years of national service; I had gotten a real job where I worked hard, did well, and moved up. I made money, spent it and travelled to exotic places. 

Even so, over time, in the middle of the nights I awoke hardly able to breathe. The gnawing question was always immediately present – What am I doing?  That’s it. That was the plaguing conundrum which jerked me awake in darkness, night after night. 

Then, during work one day, I was gifted an experience with a prospective client that rocked my days as well. It was clear pretty quickly that this gentleman was outside of the parameters of my target and yet, I remained with him for an unjustifiable amount of time (in the world of business and productivity).  Our conversation, however, was of higher vibrations than daily this-and-that and metrics and cost/benefit analysis’; we were speaking to the things of this life and our purpose. Somehow he knew at the heart of me, there existed a forgotten past – the origin of my people, Oglala Lakota, the details of which I knew not too much at all. 

My Nana took her family from the reservation long before I was around to learn that it is no place for a free person. She sacrificed our culture to save our dignity – so that I could even fill the shoes of the person who wrote the first paragraph of this post. There are grandmothers who shared in the same impossible choice and took their families down the other road.  I’ve found now, years after the moments I spent with this guy, that the descendants of either choice have been left in a state of lostness, without the peace or power of remembering Who I Am. 

It has been a real journey since that day when that man struck me to my core with a new, more catalytic question than the one waking me up each night: What are You doing for your people? It brought tears to my eyes. For I was in sunny, southern California.  The house across the street from where I was standing was poised upon the cliff, above the shoreline, overlooking the ocean. I did know enough by this point that the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation of my people, like most reservations across Indian Country, was still no place for a free person.  Statistically, it beats most places that service-minded folks in this country choose to travel to on Volunteer Vacations, to ‘developing countries’. 

By great blessing, less than a week later, news erupted for a short blip giving truth to the reality of private security guards of an oil corporation allowing attack dogs to maul peaceful elders and children on the treaty land of the Standing Rock Tribe. 

I’ve made a personal study of change and the conditions which cause it in recent years. These describe the truth of my own:  a rock-bottom of sleepless nights and absolute cringing commutes to work in apprehension of arriving (my spirit singing to take the driver’s seat!), a single, sincere conversation with a stranger (compassion) and an invitation (to serve)!  My people were finally taking a stand and they were inviting us to stand with them! 

And from that, a whole new life…

2016

September

  • Quit my job
  • Bought the Snowbeast! A 2005 Nissan Murano with 180k miles on it for $2k – solely for the purpose of getting to Standing Rock and serving. 
  • Attended a community event in which a local Tribal leader was speaking about his journey’s to and from Standing Rock delivering supplies. He shared the date of his next trip and invited anyone who wished to go to Standing Rock to caravan out with him. 
  • Built the Site
  • Gathered as much support as possible
  • Packed
  • Rolled Out!

October

  • Got acclimated to a world I’d never been in or have been since
  • Celebrated my 30th birthday at camp

November

  • Arrested with a felony count and a few misdemeanors 

December

  • Fam came to Standing Rock!
  • Broke camp as requested by the tribe for safety during the winter, left no trace and rode home with an off-the-grid skeptic/investigative journalist, finding out even more things about this world I had never known nor wished to.

2017 What now

January – February

  • Effectively dismantled in mind and spirit,  disillusioned, filled with anger but also in awe of the beauty and peace of my people and that place, I tried to collect the chaos within by writing it all down and organizing the special moments captured in photo and worth a thousand words, into a book.  
  • Learned to make my own power message t shirts, decided the process requires too many of mother earth’s resources to pursue further; natural dyes would probably help but still
  • Went to the ocean for peace
  • Decided to locate things people were giving away and flip them around to people who would buy them on Next Door and OfferUp; while this did generate some good funds the resources required of mother earth to get it done is a no win. 
  • My motorcycle, Julez, died
  • I reached into skills of days passed and repainted my nephews room
  • I watched the Women’s March on TV instead of going
  • I attempted to get involved with a local group that was getting people organized around political action but found that my personal expectation to go forward with meetings in a holistic way, as in the way of the Lakota, at Standing Rock, has no application in business-as-usual yet – too much for me at the time
  • Gave Fire Cider a go, using a recipe from the Hobbit at Standing Rock
  • Discovered a best friend was going to be working in Austin for a month
  • Simultaneously a self-defense instructor certification was going to be taught there in the same month with a following certification training available about two weeks later in Utah (the idea of Self Defense as a path forward was a fleeting inspiration by the Creator in that exact moment I learned of my friend in Austin)
  • Queue my return to reading but in a new way, as momz gifts me Living Your Strengths, in which my own healing attempts to go deeper and my mind glimpses the possibility of theTrue aligned potential within
  • On the Road to Austin

March

  • Still haven’t cut my hair, guess we’re growing out
  • First WWOOF! Thank goodness for Mary and Lucy in the world! Thank goodness for WWOOF
  • UT Austin RAD training and SXSW
  • Back on the Road to Utah – but through the natural places: Big Bend, Candelaria (where my phone dies), outside Roswell where I bendered somebody’s fender, Albaqurque, Bear Ears where I got stuck at the top in muddy snow forced to finally reckon with my lifelong competition with my own instinct, Hite where I ate dinner by a campfire acknowledging my ignorance and letting it All go, finally slept peacefully, under the stars, waking up a changed person – and on to Provo, but not before the Snowbeast stopped at a gas station and turned over for about 20 minutes before deciding to start again. 
  • RAD Training #2 and instructor certification,check; miracle at Utah Lake before rolling out of town and back into the nature. 
  • Let many layers go, across many miles, hiking and camping through Capitol Reef, Bryce Canyon, Grand Staircase-Escalante and Zion. 

April

  • Made it home to the fam
  • Retreat to the Mudcaves
  • Flew to Florida at my Sister’s request to help her with her Grandfather’s Estate Sale
  • Road trip with pops in a Moving truck from Florida to San Diego, a path of many moments to savor and learn from: things like life and death, alcoholism, true friendship, grace, beauty, exhaustion, humility.
  • Splinter Jones startup 
  • Wet and Wild Summer, back in Austin! 

April to September

  • I come to know how to cook in a tiny house
  • Off grid living: chickens, dogs, coyotes, electricity, rain water
  • 70 names a week and watering holes far and wide
  • Chiggers
  • Hauling giant mats, tubes and trailers, steering pontoons, floating with the Big Kidz
  • Baby turtles at the coast , the ayers rock of N. America
  • Nani’s surprise 85th birthday in Denver!  
  • House sitting the homestead, Harvey, coyote massacre and the manual of fun
  • Stop ETP march in Dallas
  • St. Louis roadie with Momma!

October- November

  • The magic of Kauai
  • Nextdoor brings the cats and dogs!

December

  • The great Cookie Monster Challenge
  • The Miracle of Jane and Aggie!

2018 In a nutshell

January

  • This time we make it to the Women’s March 
  • Speak at AIM Gathering
  • Begin building Tour of Hope, Develop Shoestring Love   and Nations Rising Tea Program to fund tour and mission

February

  • Nani’s Journey begins
  • Hit the road for the Longest Walk, Washington state to Washington DC
  • Emergency trip back to CO to be with Nani
  • So begins a time of learning and preparation: First up> Zero shoes, Fasting, Postmates, Dr. Santos

March

  • Nani moves on, Cricket joins the pack

April-May 

  • Momma’s time of mourning, not the time to go across the country
  • Building mom’s healing pond, all natural with a solar powered waterfall

June

  • Janes first Surgery
  • Dumpster diving

August

  • Jilly arrives from Brazil
  • No Regatta protest miracle
  • Plans Change, partnerships shot

September – December

  • We meet master Heidi and begin huge focus on training to teach self-defense from a different lens than RAD 

2019

January 

  • Desert fast and Sunshine boy

February – May 

  • Training and teaching with Heidi

June 

  • Walk for the Bees
  • Book is Finally Ready! On to the next!

July

  • Fundraising for Barb and Chief
  • Jane Surgery 2

August-September

  • Built Nations Rising with Chief
  • Olio, Booch and Congee

October

  • Sampson Stay
  • New locs
  • Boston

December

  • Magic of Kauai

2020

January – February

  • Starhawk teaches the way of Permaculture Design at Earth Activist Training
  • Kamila reminds me the world of online and social innovation

March

  • Lovely Liv comes to light the fire
  • Retreat to Mudcaves
  • Crane frames
  • Covid

Through time, much evolution, it all amounts to Health, Happiness and Freedom… My life is my message.

Filed Under: About Lindsey Tagged With: anxiety attack, barefoot shoes, change, Congee, dreadlocks, dumpster diving, earth activist training, fasting, freedom, happiness, healing, health, indian reservation, kombucha, life after college, life satisfaction, money, mourning, natural pond, off grid, oglala lakota, olio, pdc, permaculture, postmates, purpose, quit my job, RAD self defense, real job, Self defense, service, Standing Rock, starhawk, success, volunteer vacation, work life, writing a book, WWOOF, zero drop shoes

July 13, 2018 By Lindsey Tarr 2 Comments

Tour of Hope to Begin August!

Upon getting back to California, I’ve remained committed to staying close and seeing my mom through her most difficult period of mourning; I think being close is about the only thing to do about it. Time heals, but only if you stay open to the process; mom has done this beautifully. Before the mission became halted by my Nani’s end journey, I had launched a Go Fund Me and was racing to get the year funded before the Longest Walk. Since that time… so many blessings, such progress!

The Longest Walk has ended… in fact, those walkers were so successful in their data collection efforts that the Walks’ goals were fulfilled early!

Though I didn’t get to finish the Walk with them, or even start, I’ve been able to make some great progress from home – our little project has grown!

  1. A true advocate and change maker, Jillian Deganhart, has joined the effort to lend her passions and skills, as an educator and artist, toward amplifying the impact. She’s joining the mission from her most recent adventure of teaching abroad in Brazil, one of many beautiful, amazing things she has gotten done lately!
  2. We’ve partnered with the perfect organization to combine efforts and grow with! Arming Sisters: Re-empowering and reawakening the mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional health of indigenous communities through self-defense.  Imagine this… they are in need of what most of the indigenous focused orgs I’ve found need… resources! Inside Philanthropy has identified that native orgs just don’t get the funding and it has also been one of my greatest takeaways in working to fund this project since the beginning of the year; I have found it to be disappointingly true.  This then is one of the most pertinent issues for us to resolve before we can create real impact. It’s the one which must be solved before we can even teach self-defense and this is why I’m so excited over the next two updates!
  3. The funding for this years Tour has been fulfilled thanks to the St. Agatha Fund for Health, Happiness and Freedom, which is meeting the start-up costs of this most impactful endeavor!  Named for the late, beloved, Mrs. Agnes Peterson who was an angel on this earth for all who knew her, St. Aggie they called her, and the miracle dog, Agatha, St. Aggie we call her, who found her way into the Peterson home a short time after Mama Peterson’s passing; this giant chocolate lab, defying what many would think possible, fills her shoes by saving the lives of those around her. Bless those Peterson’s. 
  4. Sustaining funds will be met through our partnership with the Native American Tea Company! They’ve been sharing the stories and healing wisdom of our native ancestors through tea recipes since the 80’s. Their standards for quality are strict and uncompromising. They’ve impacted their local Sitting Bull College and Lakota community greatly through the social innovation of their business and they are excited to amplify their impact by supporting our mission.  Through our Nations Rising Tea Program casinos, businesses, museums/non-profits, and individuals are empowered to leverage an existing cost into the sponsorship of a local Arming Sisters program.

The 2018 Tour of Hope will commence this coming August for the specific purpose of matching communities that need an Arming Sisters Self-Defense program with the local resources to fund it so that every indigenous nation in need has that education close and available.

We’ll be taking the time to do things right from the ground up.  These days, to start something new is usually to create an “acceptable” amount of negative impact justified by the positive intention of the solution.  This is an unacceptable, unsustainable norm and so we’ll go forth in a most intentional manner to fulfill the purpose of the Tour while protecting, not sacrificing, the Environment – we will follow the practical guidelines of this amazing  resource as closely as possible to be ever positively impactful socially, economically and environmentally.  We’re biking it!  Yep, we will be traveling by clean, human-powered bicycles, off-grid and with zero waste. 

Our team is hard-working, service-oriented and a living abundance of passion and skillsets  … from one mission will come many complimentary opportunities for us to leave each community better; with self-love and self-advocacy strategies like mindfulness, cooking, writing, creating art, and also growing fresh, healthy food where there is none we will be the change we wish to see, we’ll be doing what we love and loving what we do.

*2018 Tour of Hope Dates

August

4 -7 Seattle, Arming Sisters home base

24 -27 Yountville, Suscol Intertribal Council

30 – September 3 Hungry Valley, Numaga Indian Days

September

14 -16 Novato, Native American Trade Feast

28 – October 1 Newhall, Hart of the West

October

5 – 8 Santa Barbara, Santa Ynez Chumash Inter-tribal Pow Wow

11 – 15 San Bernardino, San Manuel Pow Wow at Cal State

25 – 27 35th Annual Roy Track Memorial Mesa Pow Wow

*subject to change

 

This post is dedicated to my Nani.  She would have been an 86-year-old today – I just want to share my gratitude to our Creator for bringing her here, for the life she gave to this family of strong women and loving men, for her life, for return – so full of grace and humility, for all the lessons, for her last lessons – so powerful, they will last me the rest of my days.

Just one year ago the whole family trickled up to her 3rd floor apartment in Colorado, day after day for a week to give her surprise, after surprise, after surprise Birthday wishes!  Oh, how time is our truest gift! The amount is unique to each of us – my wish for you is that none of your minutes are wasted.

Filed Under: Blog, Self Defense Tagged With: #TourofHope, 2018 Tour of Hope, activism, Happiness and Freedom, in memory of Aldine Mompher, mourning, Nations Rising Tea Program, St. Agatha's Fund for Health

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